100 Happy Days

In light of recent and upcoming events, I have had time to reflect and ponder my life. I've realized that I haven't been very happy. To be more precise, I don't feel like I am very happy on a regular, day-to-day basis. It's been something I've been particularly struggling with this fall. A dear friend of mine is doing a 100 Happy Days challenge and I finally took the time to investigate and read about it. I need to recognize the things in my life that make me happy. I'm hoping that this will really help me realize how happy I can be on a daily basis, stop some of the negative self-talk, and catapult me into a happier everyday state of mind.

I'm posting my #100happydays pics to Instagram. If you''d like to follow me, my username is wymama23.

Read about doing your own 100 Happy Days challenge!
http://100happydays.com/

The C-Word

I haven't been very good about keeping up my blog as of late. I guess with all the other media in my life, I feel like I share enough snippets about every day. But lately I've been feeling like to need to write something more.

During the summer I noticed a bump on my nose that was bleeding a bit. It would heal and I'd think it was OK then it would bleed again, etc, etc. I finally looked it up on the dreaded internet and decided it might be something more that just a sore. I had a biopsy in November and I could tell through my dermatologist's poker face that she was concerned. About a week later she called with the news that it was indeed cancer. She quickly explained the details. It is a basal cell carcinoma, the most common kind of skin cancer and the most treatable. I would need to see a specialist surgeon due to the fact that it is on my nose. I would now need to have skin checks more often and be diligent about hats and sunscreen. She talked a lot, but those are the important points.

OK, so I admit that I am a bit of a hypochondriac and tend to overreact. Paul knows this. I know this. It's a fact. I think I threw him for a loop when he got home from work and I told him I have cancer.  It's not a word you want to hear. If you have to have cancer, though, this is the best kind to have. Maybe not the spot I'd choose, but the cure rate is 98% and it does not spread to other parts of the body or require chemo or radiation. Great news.

Since I'd been wearing a bandage after the biopsy, I decided to be honest and if people asked to tell them the facts. I was shocked to find out that one of my closest friends was diagnosed with the same thing just days before me...and on her nose! We've been able to swap stories, worries, doctor's advice, and send each other comforting and horrifying links. It's been very helpful. I watched the entire procedure I am having with the 3 possible "reconstruction" outcomes. Maybe not every one's choice, but I like to be prepared. According to most people who've had the Mohs Procedure, the worst parts are the shots to numb the area and the first few days after surgery. http://www.skincancer.org/skin-cancer-information/mohs-surgery

I've had some mixed emotions. Scared for the procedure itself and the possible scars. Grateful for the cure rate and the slow type of cancer I have. Apprehensive about other cancers that might be lurking in the wings. Guilt for all the time I spent tanning in the sun and in the tanning beds as a teen and young adult. Mostly, though, I am extremely happy that I have such love and support. The surgeon doing my surgery is competent and successful in his field. I am hopeful and energized to get this cancer off of me and learn more about how to help cure cancer. I am volunteering again for Obliteride this summer and can't wait to do more to raise awareness for funding a cure. http://www.obliteride.org/

My surgery is scheduled for January 6th. It's a day procedure with a lot of unknowns. It can take 3 hours or it can take all day depending on the amount of tissue that has cancer cells and what kind of closure or graft is needed. I'm sure I will write more about that as I am healing. Maybe I can be persuaded to share some photos for the very strong-stomached, but for now I'll leave that to the archives of Google images. Be warned...it's not pretty. :)

The Devil Inside

A few years ago (well, it’s been about 3.5 years now) after several months of excruciating pain and vision loss, lots of ER and doctor’s visits and lots of pain meds, I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease called Scleritis. Here is a basic definition:

Scleritis is an inflammation of the white part of the eye (sclera). It may cause sight-threatening complications and affects females more commonly than males in the fourth to sixth decades of life. It has a tendency to recur. It is characterized by pain, which can be severe, redness, tearing, and inflammation or surrounding tissues. Scleritis is often associated with a systemic disease (e.g. rheumatoid arthritis, Wegener's granulomatosis). Treatment includes topical and systemic steroids and immunosuppressive drugs for very severe cases.

I have subsequently been tested for underlying systemic diseases, but have not found one. I have been lucky enough to have been referred to the leading Seattle specialist in this field and for the first while was able to get the flares under control pretty well, although I have been on predisone for over 2 years and the highest dose of an immunosuppressant for 1.5 years.

Prednisone is a miracle drug and a devil drug at the same time. It takes away inflammation like a dream, but causes horrible side-effects. The worse side-effects for me are weight gain and puffiness, major emotional disturbance, muscle weakness and joint pain, jitters and insomnia. Those things combined lead to major bouts of depression and anxiety. The biggest problem is that my very low daily dose of 5mg stopped working so I had to go to 10, which evened out after a bit and was somewhat doable. Now the 10 is not working and I am on a course of 20, hopefully only for a few days, then taper back down. The immunosuppressants must have side-effects, too, but it’s hard to know because the pred masks everything.  My blood work every 6 weeks has looked good so far, thank goodness.

I’ve gained back all the weight I lost in the contest. I’m so ashamed and sad about this it is hard to write, but I need to just get it out there. I couldn’t even do the contest now if I wanted to. We are moving into our new house in two weeks and it’s hard to even be happy or excited when I feel this low. I hope to be able to write a fun and positive post about that soon.

My doctor wants to get me off the prednisone so the next step is to try a different class of drug called biologics. It has to be injected, which is freaking me out and is very expensive which hopefully is covered by my insurance. I am not sure of the side-effects yet, although I have read about some good and some bad reactions. I guess I need to get over my fears.

I am not writing this for sympathy. I just really needed to write it all out. And maybe to explain that if I don’t seem like myself it is because I am not the Tracy I was before. I told my sister-in-law a few weeks ago that prednisone has changed my personality. I am not me anymore and it is a scary and hopeless feeling to be out of control like this. I hope my family will stick it out with me because I can’t always play nice at home like I can in public.

Now I just need to learn to inject myself with needles! Yikes.

 

The Brody Book

It's been so long since I've blogged. I'm not sure why. I guess nothing felt really blog-worthy? Now that I think about it there are a lot of things, but life got in the way. Well, I'm here today!

On November 1st my niece Kylee gave birth to my great-nephew Brody. He's perfect! I got to hold him at Thanksgiving and it was amazing to have a little bundle in my arms. (No, mom, not THAT amazing...)

Anyway, I decided I wanted to make Brody a gift for Christmas and was inspired by the felt we used in the sewing class I taught at Wyatt's school. The kids were really into making all sorts of things out of felt. Also around this time I was concerned about some of the kids at preschool not knowing the letters of their name and I decided a name letter book would be perfect. I looked online for some ideas and came up with the rest myself. What emerged is the 100% hand-cut, hand-sewn  Brody Book. I love it. I've been told I should sell them on etsy, but since each page took 2-4 hours, I'm not sure how cost effective it would be. My second niece is now engaged, so I guess I will make these books a labor of love for all my forth-coming great-nieces and great-nephews. That is until my eye-sight gives or my hand is gnarled with arthritis!

 

And my adorable great-nephew reading his book!

Round Two Update

Well, round two of the biggest loser has not gone as planned. And I don't like it when things do not go as planned, but I've had to let something go, and unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how I look at it) it has been this summer contest. I has an idea that the summer was going to be difficult to focus as intensely and I was right. I started off pretty well, then was plagued by some minor set-backs such as a slightly sprained ankle and a husband gone for three weeks...and then a few major ones. Without going into too much detail I've had some emotional issues spring up, seemingly out of the blue and then some intense extended family events which has led to some strain for my parents and the entire family. It's really hard to stay focused on myself when things are happening that seem out of my control. I've wanted instead to spend a lot of time with my family and go on fun outings or stay at home and hang out rather than go to the gym. Here we are at the botanical garden by the Ballard Locks and Wyatt and Paul on the Fremont Troll.

It's fun to explore your own city. For example, we'd never been to the Olympic Sculpture Park down by the waterfront near the Pacific Science Center. It's amazing and someplace we will come to again and again, I'm sure. 

To top everything off, I got a text from my trainer a few weeks ago that said he'd gotten a promotion and was going to be heading the training team at another gym. I am so happy for him, of course, but also pretty devastated to basically start over with someone new. It took me a few weeks to deal with that and finally show my face at the gym again. I told the training leader I was not going to finish the contest and he seemed genuinely hurt (honestly I wish I could have taken a picture of his facial expression), but I just feel it is the right thing to do at this point. He set me up with a new trainer, Carmen. She is a gorgeous woman of 45, and has just started a modeling career as well as a training career and calls herself a "late-bloomer". What an inspiration! And she honestly looks like this on a regular day with a little less make-up and hair product.

I think she will be a good trainer for me. She only trains women and we talked a lot about some of my emotional things and how those can effect me physically. I suppose the good news is that I hadn't gained much weight...a few pounds from my last weigh-in, so I was happy about that.

I don't want to let my summer choices seem like an excuse. I made the choice to go to the gym only a few times and to eat more sugar and less healthy. But, I'm feeling good about the next few months. I'd like to get back on a routine with my eating plan and exercise and work on losing about 20 pounds before my 41st birthday in October.

Someone Special

Wyatt's first grade teacher graciously made a copy of his end-of-year writing assessment for me a few days ago, just in time to give to his "someone special" on Father's Day. Paul didn't even mention his grammar mistakes or the fact that is next to last sentence begins with, "First of all...", although I'm sure the writing teacher in him was cringing just a bit. The content is definitely the most important part of this essay. I'm grateful to have such a great kid and that he has such an awesome dad.

Validation

An interesting thing happened at the gym today that helped to validate the last 6 months of hard work I've done there. As some of you who read this blog may remember, the woman who won our club's biggest loser was taking pregnancy hormone injections, doing huge amounts of cardio and sweating out her excess fluids in the sauna. She ended up losing 29% of her body weight or something like that. Anyway, today I was alone in the "ball room". It has a bunch of those huge exercise balls and other things as well as a back door to the club. She came up to the glass and asked me to let her in. She showed me her key tag, but I said, "I know who you are," and smiled. She hurriedly told me, "Yes, I won the biggest loser last time, but I've gained it all back and I don't want the people at the front desk to see." I was speechless and she rushed past and went into the locker room.

OK, I will admit, keeping the weight off is tough and I also but back on a few pounds after the results last round, but ALL OF IT? She lost 47 pounds! She needs some muscles:)

I know that changing my body is the result of changing my life, my habits and my thinking. I know that gaining muscle and eating right are the keys to my success, as well as sweating on a daily basis (and NOT just in the sauna). I hope that this woman is able to make some life changes. I guess the good news is that she took the first step to come to the gym rather than just quiting.

Freedom

I am feeling really grateful this Memorial Day for many things, but freedom is on the top of my list. I visited many former Communist countries in the last year and while the people of, say Poland and the Czech Republic are enjoying their relatively new freedom, there is a noticeable aftermath of Communism in the older generations especially. I recall going to a museum in Prague that was guarded by many in the over 60 age group and they were very stern to our group and not afraid to shout at the students should one of them wandered too close to a work of art or sit down on a step.
http://theplankthree.blogspot.com/2011/06/central-europe-trip-day-one.html



This Czech memorial to victims of the Communist regime consists of a line of crumbling statues representing different phases of a human figure’s destruction.

I also felt truly humbled after my visit to Auschwitz/Birkenau. I couldn't imagine living under Nazi rule and doubt I could have survived it.
http://theplankthree.blogspot.com/2011/06/central-europe-trip-day-six.html

Original fence (no longer electrified) and watch tower at Birkenau work prison, Poland.

I am grateful for the men and women who have fought and given their lives to keep my freedom in place. I am grateful for those who continue to serve.
Thank you.

Round Two?



Ready for Paul's sister's wedding!

Well, I must be a glutton for punishment. I've had a few rough weeks with too many parties and celebrations messing with my healthy eating plan and it's amazing how crappy I feel. I've put back on a few pounds and am SOOOO tired from the sugar I've been eating. I'll have a few great days, then something comes up...usually involving a restaurant, a party or a celebration, and I lose it for a few days. It's so hard! I've slacked a bit in my work outs too, but I've kept up with the knee/hip work and am trying to take more bike rides outside. I enjoy that immensely. I got a new-to-me used bike for Mother's Day and have taken it out a few times with the family and once on my own. Pretty fun to get "back in the saddle" after 15+ years. It's real-life spinning class!

After a talk with my trainer today and a bit of incentive with some free training sessions, I decided to sign up for another round of biggest loser, starting tomorrow night. It's another three months, this time through the summer which should be interesting with less of a structure and more vacations. I have a more modest goal this time, though. I'd like to lose 25 pounds in 3 months and mostly just get back to feeling healthy and on track. Here I go again!

Biggest Loser Finale

Thanks to all of you that have supported me through this three month process. Sometimes, because I see myself in the mirror daily and live in this body, I don’t really realize that I have changed much physically, but putting before and after photos together then taking my measurements has helped me see that, yes, I’ve changed!

Jan 17, 2012

Apr 17, 2012

I’m happy to say that the end of the contest arrived last night and I had some pretty darn good results. In three months I lost 36 pounds, went from “obese” to “overweight” according to the charts, I had two cases of the sniffles that lasted about 2-3 days; I exercised consistently and over my goal numbers each week; I changed my eating habits drastically; I went down three clothing sizes and no longer shop in the Plus or Women's departments; I have increased energy and desire to spend time doing physical activity; I recently rode a bike for the first time in 15 years and am loving taking long bike rides with Wyatt; I went shopping in my closet and found some cute things that will tide me over until I am at my goal and can do a true shopping spree; I lost many inches of fat and gained some muscle. Here's some of the numbers since Jan:  Chest: lost 3 inches; Waist: lost 5 inches; Hip: lost 4 inches; Thigh: lost 2.5 inches; Calf: lost 2 inches; Upper Arm: lost 1.5 inches;

I started out the contest wanting to finish "on the sheet" which means the top 25, but I quickly realized I had a chance at the top ten and just made it! Woo-Hoo! (As did 3 other team J.C. members!) And over 15% of my body-weight in three months is a great number.

With all those great results, I know I am not "done". Here are some things I am still working on:

Rehabbing my knees and hip due to years of couch potato-ing (pain is such a vicious cycle—I sit because it hurts, it hurts because I sit…); increasing my endurance so that I am able to walk, and then run without pain, decreasing my immuno-suppressant drugs and eventually being drug-free, continuing personal training for my knees, hips and overall strength training, continuing to eat healthy for life with a few free meals and days thrown in, focusing on healthy family eating and making sure I am not passing poor habits on to Wyatt.



Jan 17, 2012

Apr 17, 2012

Since my highest weight I have lost one Wyatt…75 pounds. It is hard to believe I was that heavy, but I have the jeans to prove it! I’d like to try to lose about 25-30 more pounds, move the “average” part of the BMI chart, and stay at/around that weight for life.

Some of the best ways I’ve changed are not physical. I had a friend comment recently that I am more confident and carrying myself differently. I spent a lot of years trying to hide inside so that I wasn’t noticed, I stopped doing many things I loved. I knew that my true self was inside and if I found a way to zip my fat body away and emerge, I would be my true self. Each link of that zipper is a pound of sweat and tears, a food craving denied, a challenge met. I am almost ready to shed that fat suit entirely.

Watch out, world, here I am!

Keep checking back for periodic updates about my health and wellness and, as always, news about the Plank family.

The Final Stretch

I have two weeks left in the contest. I'm obviously not going to meet my goal of 50 lbs gone in 91 days and I'm having a hard time staying motivated this week. I'm still struggling a bit with the insomnia, but it's getting better because I'm on spring break and able to sleep in a bit in the mornings. I found this list today and I'm going to try to work on a few of these things for the next two weeks.

Step 1

"Find small ways to reward yourself. Brainstorm ways to reward yourself when meeting your goals. For example, purchase a new outfit when you are half-way to your goal weight. Or, treat yourself to a movie when you continue to work out, despite a stressful week at the office."
I'm looking forward to a new haircut/color and maybe a mani-pedi is in the mix...we'll see!!!

 

Step 2

"Set aside a small amount of calories for a daily "treat". MayoClinic.com recommends limiting consumption of sweets. However, if you never have sweets again, you might feel deprived, leading to loss of motivation. Set aside 75 calories or less for a treat daily. Pre-measure the serving size to avoid overeating."
I LOVE sugar-free dark chocolate jello pudding cups and I've been avoiding them! Not this week!

I am avoiding setting another weight loss number goal, but my goal for the next two weeks is to stick to my eating plan and to exercise 5-6 days a week. If I can do those things, I will be happy at the final weigh-in, no matter what the scale says.

Day 70, Fifth Weigh-in

Well, I've hit a plateau...sort of. Interesting results this weigh-in due to some factors going on in my life. I lost one pound. 29 total in the contest and I dropped down to 13th place. I'm not really upset or surprised.

I felt a lot of stress the last two weeks, mostly due to two factors....INSOMNIA and Joint Pain; both wicked and playing against each other as a perfect storm. I can't sleep because my joints hurt and my joints hurt because I can't sleep. So, I back off my workouts and I eat a little more to ease my stress. Then, guess what? The scale does not cooperate! Interesting how that works. So, what to do?

Today I had a true free day with no exercise other than lava monster and balloon volleyball with the young Plank. Also, no counting portions, grams of anything, or reading labels. I just needed it. Then, tomorrow, back to the grind for the final push. I've been looking through old photos and am really feeling happy and proud of how far I've come. One thing I've noticed lately...and this will sound weird to some of you...is how easily I can sit criss-cross-applesauce at preschool and that I can get up and down from the floor with ease, even if there's a bit of strain in the knees. It is really miraculous to realize this change and something I've struggled with and looked forward to for a while.

Now, I just need to get my pain relief figured out and I will be golden! I'd like to finish this thing on April 17th in the top 10.

Shout Out

I wanted to give a shout out to Paul, my silent partner through this transformation process. He’s been really supportive of this tired Mama. Whether he is fixing dinner for himself and Wyatt, finding weekend activities to do while I go to yet another boot camp, feeling my muscles and reacting like he cares or notices that they are bigger/stronger, or keeping those yummy treats out of the house, he does it all with his characteristic quiet support. I couldn’t do it without you, babe! He’s also been working out a lot more, so I know I’m rubbing off a little bit. Maybe I can talk him into spinning classes this summer! OK, probably not, but we will be using that forest pass to hike, hike, hike!

We will be celebrating our 20^th anniversary in December. Maybe I will wear my wedding dress to dinner. Just kidding…it will probably be too big…:)

Day 56, Fourth Weigh-In

I want to say thanks to those of you who have supported me so much through this process...your comments and emails mean a lot to me. It's really fun seeing people I haven't seen for a few months and don't know what I'm up to. They go through this mental process of "I want to say something, but I don't know what to say...", or just look really confused. It's pretty fun!

On Tuesday night we had a group (as in all the people weighing in, so over 100) workout. We had a competition to see who could finish 100 jumping jacks, 75 squats, 50 crunches, and 25 push-ups first. That would be the team to weigh-in first. Our team finished 4th out of 10, so that was pretty good. While the other teams were weighing in, we alternated doing burpees (see pic below), mountain climbers and standing knees to elbows. I believe burpees are created by the devil and should be called "crappies". It was not an easy night, especially considering all these sweaty, stinky bodies were packed together, but I did it, if modified at some point, and had good results at the weigh-on. Overall, a good night.

I lost 6.5 pounds at since last time bringing my grand total to 28 pounds for the contest and 67 pounds from my highest weight. I am currently 8th on the rankings list for my gym. I'm very proud of myself. I have 22 pounds left to lose to make my goal. I'm confident that I will get there by summer! Then I will have only 20 left to my desired weight for life...amazing that it is in reach!

Eating Low-Carb

Here is some unsolicited advice for those struggling to lose weight and/or get off sugar.  I am a self-diagnosed carb-addict from years of abusing it. I went off the white stuff (mostly) a few years ago, but it was not until this challenge that I really went full-board off sugar and most carbohydrates. I first week was killer, but it has gotten easier and I am amazed by what I eat and crave now.  Week four of very little whole grain carbs, plus vegetable and a few fruits, here are some things I find absolutely delicious!

Thanks to my sister-in-law ‘s suggestion I gave Greek yogurt another try. I’m talking fat-free, plain 22g protein/7carbs per cup of pure delight. I started with adding about 2 teaspoons of organic stevia (I found a brand at PCC that does not have the aftertaste or else I’ve gotten used to the aftertaste) and ¼ cup berries. To the low-carb for 6-weeks me this tastes like heaven. I eat it every day and have decreased the stevia to 1 teaspoon. I enjoy the Trader Joe’s brand of Greek yogurt.

If I feel like chocolate and I can’t talk myself out of it, I will sometimes have a Sugar-Free Jello pudding snack in dark chocolate or a few squares of Trader Joe’s Simply Lite Sugar Free dark chocolate. To my taste buds the dark chocolate does not have an aftertaste but the milk chocolate has a mild one.  I try to limit these kind of treats as they can send me into a craving frenzy.

When I feel like a salty treat, I will sometimes eat a Lundberg brown rice cake with 1 T. Adams peanut butter. Soooo satisfying.

I never ever thought I would say this, but I am now able to eat and love unsalted nuts as a snack. TJ, PCC, and Whole Foods all sell pistachios, almonds, cashews, etc, in unsalted varieties. It is so amazing to me that I have adjusted to not craving the salted variety.

Lettuce wraps…yum. Jimmy John’s has an unwich wrapped in lettuce that is OK, but I prefer making them at home to control the ingredients. A little messy, but really a really good way to fit a “sandwich“ into my diet.

Marie’s yogurt based Ranch, Thousand, and Blue Cheese dressings are fabulous, low-carb options for creamy salads. 2 T is 1-2 g of carb, but I usually try to eat 1 T.

Jalapeno-stuffed green olives…who knew? Actually eating spicy food revs up the metabolism and tastes so good when eating low-carb.

Quinoa…a grain, but also a complete protein. There are so many ways to prepare it and enjoy it. I have to limit my serving size and the ingredients, but I really enjoy it as a side to salmon or other meat. I enjoy the red quinoa from Trader Joe’s. I’m sensing a pattern here…Luckliy TJ’s is just down the street and the prices are excellent.

Some people cannot tolerate the taste of a protein drink at first, but I promise if you stick with low-carbs your body will change and start to enjoy the flavor. The Yoli YES shakes have tasted good to me from the beginning, and now I look forward to them. They are sweetened with stevia and I mix mine with 6 ounces of Non-fat milk for added protein and 6 ounces of unsweetened almond milk for it’s yumminess. I prefer the taste of Silk PureAlmond unsweetened (35 Calories) and have gotten so used to this that I can drink it plain. Another thing I never thought I’d say.

My biggest advice is to clear out the freezer, cupboards and fridge. If I don’t have access to it, I don’t go out and buy it. I have occasionally indulged in something because it was there…some chocolate from Wyatt’s Valentine's bag, some treats Paul brought home from school, etc. For the most part, they have been great about either hiding it or not having it around, so I’m not tempted.

I miss popcorn, cereal, garlic bread, pizza, Magnum bars, and mashed potatoes. I will eventually add some limited things back and have some free meals, but for now it’s best for me to not have it. Ironically, I think I’ve lost maybe 1 pound since the last weigh-in, but I’m feeling great and want to stick to the plan, even if I don’t reach my goal until the summer.

Getting Stronger...

I have the theme song from Rocky running through my head. I worked out with my trainer today and "just for fun" he said we would try some moves that we tried together when I first started with him and couldn't do, or at least couldn't do well or for long. One is a side plank crunch as demonstrated here by Jillian Michaels.

I'm sure I look just like this, ha ha! But, back in December, I wasn't even able to get into the side plank, much less do the crunches...today I did two sets on each side!

This is a typical plank. Look at the serene look on her face...my face does not look like this is plank position and I am grateful every day that I do not have a camera following me around. Surprisingly (or not), I had never done one before working out with JC. I was able to hold one in December for about 5 seconds. Today I did four sets of 30 seconds each followed by side knee raises in the plank position. Killer!

We also upped the weight on squat/curl/presses and tricep/bicep curls. I also surprised him with my form and reps with push-ups. He said, "How long have you been able to do that?"

It was fun to see JC's enthusiasm and made me feel strong and happy. Maybe, someday I can look like the women in these pics, or at least a little closer. I'll practice my serene plank face...